Tearing people down is easy. It doesn’t take much skill or thought to criticize, belittle, or point out someone’s shortcomings. But building people up? That’s difficult. It takes emotional intelligence, patience, and a genuine desire to see others succeed.
Take a look at the team you’re on—the people you work with every day. Who are the stone-throwers, quick to criticize and slow to support? Who are the quiet ones, flying under the radar, playing it safe, never challenging and never encouraging? And who are the builders—the ones who show up with empathy, who support others in their growth, and who push the team forward with positivity?
Now ask yourself: Which trait do you admire? Which one do you want to be known for?
I’ve worked with my fair share of difficult people—honestly, I’ve even been that difficult person. I used to think being right was the most important position in the room. That if I had the facts and logic on my side, I was justified in pushing my point, no matter how it landed on others.
But I had a boss once ask me a question that changed my perspective:
“How important is it that you are right?”
I paused. I thought about it. And I realized… it wasn’t important. What mattered more was making good decisions as a team. I felt we had made a string of bad ones, and I was frustrated—understandably. My boss didn’t scold me for pushing back. He simply reminded me that a decision had been made, and what mattered now was how I chose to respond. That moment stuck with me.
Later, I experienced what it felt like to be torn down. During a performance review, I received anonymous feedback that was more personal attack than professional critique. Full of falsehoods and cruelty, it was clearly from someone who had made a habit of dragging others down. You know the type: the gray cloud in every meeting, the person who always has something negative to say. That review shook me.
But it also forced me to confront something uncomfortable—I had, at times, done the same thing. I had given feedback that wasn’t constructive, that was driven more by frustration than a desire to help. I had been the asshole. And realizing that hurt, but it also helped me grow.
Leadership isn’t about being right all the time. It’s not about being the smartest or loudest voice in the room. It’s about showing up with integrity. It’s about taking hits without passing them on. It’s about setting a tone of support, even when people haven’t yet met your expectations.
Being a leader means creating an environment where people feel safe to grow, to fail, and to try again. It means lifting others up, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
So be the person others are glad to work with. Be the one who brings light into the room, not the one who dims it. Be generous with your encouragement. Be patient with mistakes. Build people up.
Because in the long run, that’s the kind of impact that lasts.